Motivational Monday

As I said in a previous post, I will try to post something new for everyday of the week and have a theme for it. So for Monday's they will be called Motivational Mondays, which is perfect seeing as Monday's usually suck for most people and trying to get motivated for the rest of the week is a challenge.

I think for this I can post pictures and some little goals i wish to accomplish for myself this week.

So this week's goals and Motivational things will be:

• Finish all school work on time and not get stressed about it.
• Try to get Sascha sleeping on her own in her crib.
• Clean up my room 
• Gather things to take to Kid to Kid and sell or put them on craigslist

Yeah so thats a good start for motivational Monday.

Pictures to get me motivated!

Source:
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Source:
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Hope everyone has a good Motivational Monday!

blogging illiterate

Well, earlier today I got so excited because I found out how to make my blog page pretty! Unfortunately when I added the background, I could not for the life of me figure out how to get the posts to show up, so I have affectionately gave up on that little project for now, until I have the patience to try to sit down and try again.

Last night was Sascha's first official night out with the whole family and I might add, she did amazingly well. We all went bowling and went on a night they were doing cosmic bowling, so all the lights moving and music really had her entertained. Although she can't see colors and see's a lot of blurs she found it really entertaining. On that note, it also helped her stay awake until we got home and need less to say, we both had an easy night full of sleep. It was a nice change.

She will soon be 3 weeks old already. I can see how much she's changing and sadly it is already breaking my heart to see my little girl growing up so fast. I want her to grow up so I can be the fun mom who does awesome birthday parties and sleep overs, and I want to be able to show her wonderful things, but in these precious moments right now, I feel like I want her to stay this little forever. 

This will be another short blog. I have been thinking though to keep up with this daily, to come up with a theme for everyday, whether it be in the form of a recipe, a quote, a picture, or colors, or whatever, just something to keep it interesting.

Sunday the Day of Rest?

I am not saying I have been super busy today, just in the field of homework that is! I just started my classes yesterday and already I have had a butt load of work to do just for my Research for Psychology class and Lab. Criminology class I feel will be a breeze but not the others that last for 11 weeks instead of 5 and 1/2. 

Sascha got a bath today and for once she actually enjoyed it! She will be 2 weeks old tomorrow already! She is already showing signs of her personality and she is growing so fast. I am trying to enjoy everything about her as much as I can because before I know it she is going to be grown. Time flies so fast anymore. 

This is just going to be a short post though today seeing as I'm tired already, Lee has to work tonight 9 pm till 7 am and it will just be Sascha and I tonight trying to sleep. My breastfeeding conquest is going better. I got discouraged at first because we weren't latching on correctly which was causing me a lot of pain, nipple soreness and cracking, therefore it made me not even want to keep trying, but I did and we have pretty much got it down pat now. I still am supplementing her with formula until my milk production gets up to par with her eating habits, which is not taking long. Also, when Lee or my parents take over to watch her while im doing school work or taking a shower, they have the bottle to help feed her.

Wow, I posted two days in a row!

Yeah! Don't get too used to it though. Lee took over his daddy duties last night so I got some sleep, about 5 hours, which is better than what I've been getting lately. I think I am getting sick as well, I hope not though I can't afford to be sick with a new baby and plus classes starting back again. 

We had to take Sascha into the doctor's today because her left eye had been very crusty and closed shut, so of course me being a new mother was concerned. Come to find out, it could be attributed to her tear ducts not acting like they are supposed to, or her accidentally scratching herself in the eyes. Either way we now have to give her eye drops 4 times a day for 7 days and hope that it gets better. Already I hate that she is not fully up to her normal self. I have been still trying to breast feed her as much as possible but its been really difficult on me and her. It can be contributed to latching on problems, sore/cracked nipples, and me just being too tired to even stay awake to breastfeed her. I still will breastfeed her, but I am also supplementing her with formula.

So, to move on to another subject that has been sort of a bother to me a past few years, and just recently came back to me today is a feeling of jealousy towards people I went to school with who always had it better in their life. Now, I know it is not right to be jealous but, isn't that just a normal human emotion to feel anyway, and as long as you are not acting negatively on that emotion isn't it okay to just feel it? Looking at the pictures of these people I went to school with and to see where there are today I can't help but think "Man, they are so lucky and have been since the day they were born, to have such a well off family and everything they have ever needed and dreamed of in life." My family has always been struggling financially and even a lot of time emotionally. I know it is easier to point out what others have and what you do not. I also know that I have it lucky myself to have what I have, but I still can't help feeling the way I do I guess because of the way I grew up around these people. Seeing how they always had the best things in school and the best things outside of school ( brand new cars, clothes, etc.), and not really having to work too hard for these things. I never got a brand new car, trust me I would love a 2008 Honda civic! New clothes that I got? I worked my butt off for things I wanted. I guess that makes me a strong person that I am today.

I am also lucky to have such a wonderful daughter, even though things are really tough I keep telling myself things will get better, and so does everyone else. I hate hearing it and I hate telling myself that because I have YET to see that change. Mind you, I am not one for patience, even though I am definitely trying now that I am a new mother and have such a demanding role not only for her but from my school as well.

Is it normal for me to feel guilty now to want time to myself? I feel guilty for leaving Sascha, even though my mom and dad watch her or Lee does for me. I feel guilty to take a nap without her near me because I feel I am being neglectful towards her. I know I am not, it's just the way I feel though. Even taking a hot, long, shower is like a guilty pleasure for me that I truly do feel guilty about enjoying since she might need me. Grant it, even though she wakes me up about 5 am every morning, we sit together, she eats, while I watch the news, then we fall back asleep till about 8 am then wake up to eat again and watch Charmed together. These are those little moments I do enjoy with her. I love her so much but sometimes I don't feel it either. Is THAT normal? Normal...what is normal? Nothing is normal. Adapting to these new mommy role is hard, but in the end it is rewarding. She's beautiful. She cries, I come running. I'd do anything for her. Now that, that is a mother's unselfish love. I have that? Yes, deep down in me, I really do.

My first Post!

So, I am new to this whole blogging thing. I've tried things like live journal and even blogging on my space. That worked out well when I was blogging my whole 9 month pregnancy for everyone. Now that my daughter is born though, I would like to keep up on her progress from week to week and also whats going on in my life. 

Here goes nothing!

About Me (More in depth):  I am currently 21 years old, or young depending on how you look at it. I am a full time student at South University and am finishing my degree online not just because it is more convenient for me but to finish and graduate faster. I am going for my Bachelor's in Criminal Justice with a specialization in cyber crimes, now if I actually choose to get a job doing that is another thing. I love to cook and bake and am seriously thinking about going to culinary school and focusing on being a pastry chef, I mean who doesn't like sweets? Plus you can do so much more than just sweets. Who knows what I will end up doing in the end really, I just hope that its something I will love and enjoy as a career, not just a "job". 

I am a new Mommy of a beautiful little girl who is almost two weeks old now.

I am also a  girlfriend to Lee who is 28 years old. (why that matters I have no clue, guess it does to me.)

My Daughter Sascha was born December 28, 2009 at 7:58 pm. She was 7lbs even and 20 and 1/2 inches long. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen that was created from my boyfriend Lee and I. Although this pregnancy was unplanned, it wasn't necessarily a surprise, seeing as we both had a feeling that I was pregnant with her two weeks prior to actually finding out when i was 5 weeks pregnant with her. The pregnancy itself went predictably smooth, she was as healthy as could be through out the whole thing as well as I was. We did have rough patches emotionally, on whether or not having her would be a good option seeing as financially we are not stable and nor can we really afford to support ourselves. I decided to go through with the pregnancy because she is apart of me and a life I am creating, don't get me wrong, this new life has presented a lot of new challenges and has had me questioning myself on whether or not my choices were the right ones and if I could actually handle being a mother. With each passing day though, no matter how much I feel I want to give up or no matter how frustrated I get, I realize everything is worth it in the end, even If I can't see the results automatically.

I am not going to guarantee that I will post here everyday seeing as my classes are starting back and I'm very busy with a new born. When a free time presents itself though I will definitely pop on here and update as much as possible.